This article is part of our coverage of Kim Soo Hyun And Kim Sae Ron’s Relationship. You can read more and view the entire timeline here.
Kim Sae Ron‘s mother wrote a letter to her deceased daughter and it was revealed through Garo Sero Institute.
Through Garo Sero Institute’s YouTube channel, Kim Sae Ron’s mother shared a letter she wrote to her deceased daughter.
My beloved daughter, Sae Ron. Are you in a warm place? Are you feeling better? Today, yet again, my head hurts so much and my heart feels heavy. They say winter is coming to an end and a warm spring is coming. Yet somehow, my frozen heart shows no signs of thawing. I can’t throw away any of your clothes, your belongings. Everything has stayed where it was. I sleep holding your pajamas because I can’t bring myself to wash them, since they hold your scent.
You struggled so much, alwayts saying you would die. Are you at peace? You used to joke that if you died, a lot of friends would come, but they really did… You always seemed like a little child to me, but I wanted you to live well. It was a great source of comfort. I was able to cheer up because there were so many people who knew the true colors of my daughter. Did you see all the people who came? Who cares about the money. If only I was by your side just a little longer… I was working and couldn’t be there for you during your final moments. Were you scared?
Looking back, all I have are regrets. You’ve been suffering this whole time. Maybe I couldn’t accept the way you wanted to let go of it all, saying you might as well become the person the media made you out to be. You promised me you would survive no matter what…
Mom, should we go for a walk at the Hangang Park today? Mom, should we go play badminton? Mom, should we go do volunteer work with Auntie and Neoguri today? [T/N: while unconfirmed, it is believed Neoguri is the name of a dog Kim Sae Ron rescued from a puppy factory] Mom, today I painted a bright picture like you wanted. Mom, I want to eat cold cucumber soup. Mom, can you make stir-fried anchovies for me? Mom, turn on the TV. Mom, turn on the lights. Mom, start the washing machine. Mom, I get scared when it’s dark and quiet. Mom, Mom, Mom… I suddenly jump up because I can still hear your chattering right beside me, as if you were still here.
I always told you don’t post pictures. Avoid people and come home. Don’t stay out late. Don’t drink… Looking back, I realize all I ever did was tell you not to do things or be careful, but you were just trying to get through each day. I’m sorry, my daughter. I thought keeping you from doing things was the way to protect you. I kept saying I trusted you, but in reality, I was trying to hide you. I’m sorry. And now people keep telling me to explain everything. But why? I just couldn’t bear to let you go like this. All I wanted was an apology [from them] for making me out to be a liar and to ensure this never happens again. But all I get in return are words that deny my existence and demands for explanations.
It was hard, right? How hard it must have been. Just how broken was your heart for three whole years? All this time was wasted when it should have been spent with love. Don’t worry. Even if the world doesn’t know, mom does. We know. Your friends know. And the people who truly knew you, they all know. And I will be okay. You told me that, remember? ‘Don’t worry, Mom. Even if the whole world doesn’t know, I do. There’s a lot of fuss, right?’ I’m sorry. I’ll finally let you rest in peace now.
The letter is shown in full in a video narrated by a voice actor hired by Garo Sero Institute.
