American Man Refuses Korean Fiancée's Request, Gets Roasted Online

A repost on the Reddit the community, r/korea, is gaining traction. It showed a screenshot from the subreddit r/AITA (“Am I The Assh*le”) which asks netizens for their opinion on whether or not they were in the wrong.

The unnamed writer explained that he, an American, is engaged to a Korean-American woman. The root of the problem was her request for him to do a 90-degree bow to her grandparents when they meet in South Korea.

My fiancée is Korean-American, and I’m American. We’ve met each other’s parents before, and she’s met my grandparents, but I’ve yet to meet her grandparents because they live in Korea. We are planning a trip to Korea as soon as it’s possible so that I can meet her grandparents. She’s asking me to boy to her grandparents when we meet, since respecting the elders is a big deal in Korean culture. Not just like a [casual] dip, like a full on 90 degree bow.

— Redditor

He turned her down immediately, saying that he felt it was “emasculating” and that he would never bow to anyone. His fiancée explained that it is a part of Korean culture to do so. The man, however, did not budge on his refusal of her request.

I said I’d rather not since I found it emasculating and that i just don’t bow to anyone. She said that it was important to her culture, but I pointed out that she didn’t bow to my grandparents or parents. I just think it’s hypocritical to expect me to bow to her grandparents when she didn’t bow to mine. Her grandparents aren’t my superiors just because of their age, why should I have to bow?

She said it was just one tiny thing I could do to earn their respect, but I said if it was so tiny, it should be fine if I don’t. And that I respect myself and that’s why I’m not going to bow, and she was just going to have to respect my decision. She thinks I’m an assh*le for that. Am I the ass*hole?

— Redditor

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Netizens on r/Korea were quick to answer his question with a resounding, “Yes.”

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byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea

They were mortified at his denial, saying that in Korean culture showing in-laws respect is “a sign of humility and genuine respect” that would mean a great deal to them. There are even bows that reach the floor, so a 90 degree bow while standing is still a mild request.

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byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea

20201222160921560_VEO30MZZ — A full bow | *Korean Cultural Center New York*

Not being able to do this request, many stated, is a red flag.

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byu/waynamchoong from discussion
inkorea

They noted that he had a “fragile concept of masculinity” and a “lack of culture competence.” They insisted that a bow is not an expression of subservience but a significant sign of respect to both the grandparents and his girlfriend. In American culture, it would be similar to shaking one’s hands.